A BEAUTIFUL INSANITY

8.07.08

That happened on a week in the middle of May 2008. I was so jaded. I decided to open my lime mishi YM account and tried my luck in looking for a sensible conversationalist. There were lots of people online. I even had a chance to converse with some. Unfortunately most were jerks and perverts so I got sick and tired of them. I was so bored that I just switched my attention to my “My Mini Life” account and decorated my pink niche. It was fantastic.

The next few days went the same. It was monotonous. I had no choice but to go with the flow… It continued to be like that until that time when I signed in with my Lime Mishi YM account again and met someone. His name was Jaycer Dhan. 20, M, Cavite was his ASL. Yeah he’s Pinoy. It was too good; my nose won’t bleed coz I won’t need to speak in dollar. Haha.

I used to think he was a kid since I was 4 yrs older than him that time and we have nothing much in common. He seemed absurd. He was very mysterious too. He does not speak much about himself. I felt the urge to decipher the enigma of his persona. But I did not interrogate him. I simply waited for him to open up.

I loved those times when we chatted coz he was like the typical guy friend whom I can talk to regarding any topic under the sun. That was fun. Unfortunately there were times when he was not online coz he said he was busy with his work. That’s sad but it’s ok with me. I understood his situation.

Gradually he started to show himself to me. I mean he began to reveal the kind of personality that he has. Little by little my curiosity spurted out. Being the inquisitive person that I am, I tried to ask him questions. I noticed that he was a little hesitant with his replies, but at least he was honest... I told him I was not forcing him to answer my quessies, since I also respected his privacy for that matter.

There was that time when I asked him about something but he misinterpreted it. He got mad and left me alone. Huhu… so mean… but I think my patience was long that time so I still managed to tell him that I was so sorry if I hurt his feelings. And that I’m still here in case he still needed me. Moreover, I can always be his friend if he liked…

Honestly I got so affected that time it happened until the time I went home. My friend noticed the sad look in my eyes and I told her I was really melancholic because of what had happened to us. When I got home, I even cried because of that. I told myself, “I think some people don’t deserve my friendship.” But I could sense that something was wrong with him that time so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I half-wished that he would return and bring back the usual conversations that we used to have.

All of the sudden he came back. I missed him but I prudently told him that he had hurt me too. Then he apologized and everything went back to its normal pace. For the nth time he asked me for my mobile number. I was hesitant at first coz you know, I don’t give my number to strangers, esp. in the internet. But I got convinced and so I gave it later. Ok. If he would text me nasty things, it’s easy to expunge him out of my system. That’s what I thought.

Yet life has its own mysteries. Would you believe that what we had started that way has evolved into something deeper now? Hmmm… I think I know who the culprit was. It’s no other than Cupid. He had his eyes on us so he matched us. Haha… now I’m blushing. Gosh…

At first I was skeptical about it. Who won’t? We haven’t seen each other yet and then he already professed that he loves me. I think that’s impossible. But there’s this very beautiful music that the legion of angels kept on playing… So exquisite, so naïve yet perfect… It’s like the wind; I can’t see it but I can feel it… It’s so stunningly hypnotizing… Like it’s saying “come with me, come with me...” like in the Pied Piper of Hamelin. It was gorgeously ineffable. We are far from each other yet I can feel the emotional connection between us. It’s some kind of an invisible thread that links us… It’s a magical feeling.

Some people whom I shared that to smiled and gave a sweet sigh... Some who were not convinced just shrugged their shoulders and said that I must peruse his character first before I give my trust. Yeah, both were right. Sometimes I don’t know what to do. But there’s this one thing I am so sure of: I could feel that he loves me deeply and I feel the same way too. Knowing that makes me so elated. I therefore conclude that I am now indulging in this thing that they call a “beautiful insanity.”