PARA SA'YO AT PARA RIN SA ATIN

8.22.08



16 missed calls. 6 unread messages.


Sorry po. Malayo sa kin yung cp ko. Nasa may kusina ako nagbabrush ng aking mahiwagang tsinelas… Pagbalik ko sa kuwarto, saka ko lang nakita yung missed calls at mga mensahe galing sayo. Sangkatutak na pala. Hala!!! Patin panaglan ko binuo mo na. Pasensya na… Mabuti nga at tumawag ka ulit.

Masaya ako ng muli kong narinig yung boses mo, ngunit bigla akong nalungkot ng mapansin kong matamlay ito.. Nadama ko na may mali. Nadama ko rin ang lungkot at pighati na nagmumula sa’yo. Tapos bigla ka nagreact tungkol sa mga nasabi ko kahapon. Siyanga pala, nais kong humingi ng paumanhin dahil nasaktan pala kita ng labis. Mahal ko, wala akong intensiyon na saktan ka o pahirapan ka. Di ko rin sinabing applicable say'yo lahat ng yon. Sabi ko nga gusto ko lang yun iemphasize. Gusto ko lang ulit ipaalam sa’yo na yun ang ayaw kong gawin sa akin. May tiwala ako sa’yo. Alam mo naman yun eh. Pero ang tukso andiyan lang lagi nakapaligid. Sana maging malakas lang lagi ung panangga mo dun.

Lahat ng sinabi ko ay constructive criticisms. Lahat yun para sa ikabubuti mo at para na rin kung sa ano man na meron tayo sa ngayon. Mahal kita kaya gusto ko maging matino ka sa abot ng iyong makakaya. Patunayan mo sa kanila na kaya mong maging mas produktibo kesa sa kanila. May tiwala ako sa’yo. Alam ko kaya mo yan gawin, lalo na kung para sa akin. Alam ko mahal na mahal mo ako eh. Kanina nung napansin ko na umiiyak ka, parang gusto ko ng tumakbo papunta diyan para yakapin ka at sabihing, “tahan na..wag ka mag-alala mahal ko, kaya natin to…Lagi mo tatandaan na mahal na mahal kita..”

AN ANGEL CRIES

8.20.08

Here I am staring blankly at a vast space - culture shocked. I feel so aghast and jaded. I wanna faint. Urrgh!!!
Why do things have to be this way? So mean. So gruesome. I wanna disappear like a bubble and float invisibly in thin air. I wanna think I am just in one of my nightmares, forcing myself to wake up to save myself from such a near death experience. My hands are wet and jittery. I almost have a nervous breakdown. I feel so nauseated about the excruciating facts that just screamed at my ears a while ago. But I have to learn how to accept all of it. Loving means you also have to get hurt sometimes and bleed for the sake of healing. Painful yet true.

I always give chances as long as I can. I let time decide whether I have to hold on or let go. When I love, I love truly madly and deeply with all my heart… But when I see that the love I give is no longer constructive, even if it would hurt me a lot, I am willing to let go. Letting go does not always mean you don’t love the person anymore; it could also mean you love him too much that you don’t want him to be harmed because of you. It’s sacrificing your own happiness just for his betterment.

As time goes by, I notice that there are a lot of impediments for the both of us. Some are even radical. But despite of these, still I try my best to hold on. Still I continue to believe in us despite the pain and the sacrifices. As long as you are there…as long as the flame of our love still burns… I love you so much that’s why I’m still here…

UNREACHABLE

08.18.08

I feel so empty. It seems like my chest is hollow… Where are you now? I’ve been waiting for you. I’ve been trying to reach you but I can’t. I also sent you tons of messages but I don’t think you have read those.
"Ok ka lang ba mahal ko?"
"Kumain ka na ba?"
"Miss na miss na kita talaga..."
I even woke up at the wee hours of the morning just to check if I can already reach you by phone. Unfortunately, I still can’t.
Sigh!!! I hate this moment. I really miss you.

THAT VERY SPECIAL DAY

8.17.08


I thought of you and I wished you were also here with me and we are worshipping the Lord God together. I truly pray that it would happen someday. I remembered when you told me you would do everything just to prove your love to me. So now I am ecstatically waiting for that day when we can both kneel in front of God as we pray for each other. And with Him as our witness, we can both promise that we will always love and take care of each other. Moreover, we will lift up to Him all the hardships and struggles that we are facing. And despite of all of it, we will stay together and continue to love each other faithfully…

For me that’s one of the best and most romantic gestures that a guy can ever do with me.

Still I’m prayerfully waiting for that special day…