AN ANGEL CRIES

8.20.08

Here I am staring blankly at a vast space - culture shocked. I feel so aghast and jaded. I wanna faint. Urrgh!!!
Why do things have to be this way? So mean. So gruesome. I wanna disappear like a bubble and float invisibly in thin air. I wanna think I am just in one of my nightmares, forcing myself to wake up to save myself from such a near death experience. My hands are wet and jittery. I almost have a nervous breakdown. I feel so nauseated about the excruciating facts that just screamed at my ears a while ago. But I have to learn how to accept all of it. Loving means you also have to get hurt sometimes and bleed for the sake of healing. Painful yet true.

I always give chances as long as I can. I let time decide whether I have to hold on or let go. When I love, I love truly madly and deeply with all my heart… But when I see that the love I give is no longer constructive, even if it would hurt me a lot, I am willing to let go. Letting go does not always mean you don’t love the person anymore; it could also mean you love him too much that you don’t want him to be harmed because of you. It’s sacrificing your own happiness just for his betterment.

As time goes by, I notice that there are a lot of impediments for the both of us. Some are even radical. But despite of these, still I try my best to hold on. Still I continue to believe in us despite the pain and the sacrifices. As long as you are there…as long as the flame of our love still burns… I love you so much that’s why I’m still here…